This is the story of my Auntie Joan Who lived a long way from my home In sunny Southsea by the sea She always was so nice to me Her name was Joan My dad said she had pheromones Which I thought were ladies smelly zones When she walked past men turned their head My Auntie Joan looked quite drop dead....gorgeous Her name was Joan One night on duty in the war Joans' big sister Was told about a trollop and the men who had kissed her What a tramp, the giggling girls said "She's my sister" said my Aunt and you can all drop dead!" Her name was Joan When she was young she was sent away As young women were in those days No-one knew about her "fall" Except the big sister who arranged it all Did she ever wonder about her baby? Cry and miss it? Sometimes, maybe? Her name was Joan Number one husbands name was Arthur Old enough to be her father Auntie Joan was rather mean She ran off with a young Marine His name was Frank and quite a hunk Big and brave and full of spunk She spent the last war years by the sea ...and had a baby called Judy Her name was Joan When Auntie J came to visit gran My mum walked Judy in the pram And zipped the hood and cover in place To hide the babies ugly face Her name was Joan Frank and Joan opened a pub A sort of working mens type of club Uncle Frank would have a few And then would have a fight or two Sometimes, he had pains in his head At 32 he woke up dead Her name was Joan Uncle George was husband three What a fuss this was to be He already had a wife who died From something known as suicide What a scandal it turned out to be So George and Joan split for the sea Uncle George taught in a school Was very posh and very cool Her name was Joan George with crosswords had a knack He was also a haemophiliac A little cut and he could die Leaking blood til he was dry Her name was Joan Auntie was cruel and wore a mink Always lipstick Candy Pink She kept a tortoise in her shed A telegram came saying George was dead Her name was Joan Judy was uglier still by now Quite a horrible moody cow Things changed ... became quite grim Auntie Joan met Uncle Jim Her name was Joan So Jim was added to the list And Jim was a misogynist He drove a grey Zephyr and kept grey whippets He really was'nt quite the ticket We never heard from Auntie Joan Jim kept her locked in their bungalow home Insanely jealous her forced her to wear Clothes to the floor and grow her hair Her name was Joan In the end he smashed her face Her doctor said "disgrace" Called the police and Jim got caught Aunties photo evidence in court Her name was Joan No more money, not a bob Auntie had to get a job She left the sea and that was that Her sisters helped her get a flat Didn't last long and she was off Went back, got a job and married her boss Her name was Joan He was the last, his name was Bert With him she was safe and would never get hurt Joan was happy, at her ease Then she got motor-nuerone disease Her name was Joan Bit by bit from the bottom up Her body stopped working...rotten luck We loved her, when she died we were sad Joan was not bad Her name is Joan she lived through men and was amazing .Her name is repeated so as not to be forgotten This is me and Uncle George on Southsea pier in I guess around 1957.